Friday, August 31, 2012

How The Flap Works (working title)

(DAVE and ED enter men's room from SR.)

E: …so then the Pope says, “Scepter?  Hell, I include her!”

D: Ha ha ha; good one!  Hey, I’ve gotta pee.  Give me a minute.

E: No problem, I do too.

(D & E continue talking as they cross to imaginary urinals on UCS back wall.  D simply unzips his pants while E pulls his pants all the way down to the floor.)

D: So for the trip to Minneapolis, I was thinking I would drive the van up and then you could…(notices E’s pants all the way down, looks away quickly)…Whoa!  Uhm, Ed, what are you doing?!

E: What does it look like I’m doing?  I’m going to take a piss.

D: Yeah, but is that really necessary?

E: Yeah; my bladder is full.

D: No, I mean pulling your pants down that far.  Why are you doing that?

E: Like I just said, I’m trying to take a piss.

D: E, you don’t need to have your pants down that low to pee.  (finishes at urinal, steps away)

E: Hey, I know how to take a piss.  I’ve been peeing by myself since I was about four, and no one else has ever had a problem with the way I do it.

D: Well, everyone else was probably too embarrassed by the sight of your ass hanging out.

E: What are you, the potty police?  Besides, if you don’t get your pants out of the way, you’re liable to get pee on them.  What else am I supposed to do?

D: You know that little flap on the front of your underwear?  You just pull your dick through that and then aim and fire.

E: Is that what that thing is for?

D: Uh, yeah!

E: (considering this concept) That does kind of make sense.

(Tim enters SL.)

T: Hey, Dave.  Hey, Ed…(sees E’s pants down, looks away)…Whoa!  What are you guys doing in here?

D: We were just peeing!  But Ed thinks he has to pull his pants all the way down to do it.

T: Dude, all you have to do is whip it out and go!  You don’t even need to pull your pants down!

D: Yeah, he didn’t even know about sticking it through the flap.

T: Is that what that thing is for?  I just pull my waistband down and go over the top.  But I still keep my pants up, Ed!

E: (pulling pants up) Hey, lay off, you guys!  I didn’t know!

T: How could you not know?  Did it never occur to you that you shouldn’t flash your ass at other people?  It’s common sense! 

E: Hey, you didn’t know about the flap thing either!

D: Hold on!  Okay, before this gets any weirder: I do not care how you guys get your dicks out to piss, but I do get a little uncomfortable when someone’s ass is hanging out in my face.  So, Ed, please rethink your peeing technique.  Or just use a stall.

E: Okay.  I’m sorry; I didn’t mean to bother anybody.

D: All right.  Let’s just move on. (starts to leave)

E: Hey, Dave, don’t you need to wash your hands?

D: No, I didn’t pee on my hands.

E: You still need to wash them!

T: You don’t wash your hands when you piss?  Disgusting!  That’s even worse than Ed’s bare ass! 

D: How?

T: He doesn’t touch everything with his bare ass!

D: Fine, I’ll wash my hands! Let’s all have a big hand-washing party!  And then we should walk out of here and never have this conversation again!

E: Okay!

(E and D cross to CS and mime washing their hands in two imaginary sinks.  T waits for them to leave, then looks around to make sure no one else is in the men’s room.  He crosses UCS to imaginary urinals, unzips, and examines things carefully.)

T: So that’s how the flap works! 

Copyright (C) 2012 by Eric Landuyt


  1. I feel like this would be a good No-Shame skit. There's an interesting contrast between the silliness of the conversation and how downplayed the dialogue is... this does feel like a conversation people would have. Going about it in that way, though, forces the laughs to be dependent on acting ability, so I really can't tell you how funny (or not) this is. Also, I not sure of why Tim has to make sure he's alone at the end.

  2. It probably will be a No Shame skit, and it is loosely based on actual conversations. As for Tim making sure he's alone at the end, he doesn't want to get criticized like Ed did as he fumbles around with himself trying to figure out the flap.