(DAVE and ED enter men's room from SR.)
E: …so then the Pope says, “Scepter? Hell, I include her!”
D: Ha ha ha; good one! Hey, I’ve gotta pee. Give me a minute.
E: No problem, I do too.
(D & E continue talking as they cross to imaginary urinals on UCS back wall. D simply unzips his pants while E pulls his pants all the way down to the floor.)
D: So for the trip to Minneapolis, I was thinking I would drive the van up and then you could…(notices E’s pants all the way down, looks away quickly)…Whoa! Uhm, Ed, what are you doing?!
E: What does it look like I’m doing? I’m going to take a piss.
D: Yeah, but is that really necessary?
E: Yeah; my bladder is full.
D: No, I mean pulling your pants down that far. Why are you doing that?
E: Like I just said, I’m trying to take a piss.
D: E, you don’t need to have your pants down that low to pee. (finishes at urinal, steps away)
E: Hey, I know how to take a piss. I’ve been peeing by myself since I was about four, and no one else has ever had a problem with the way I do it.
D: Well, everyone else was probably too embarrassed by the sight of your ass hanging out.
E: What are you, the potty police? Besides, if you don’t get your pants out of the way, you’re liable to get pee on them. What else am I supposed to do?
D: You know that little flap on the front of your underwear? You just pull your dick through that and then aim and fire.
E: Is that what that thing is for?
D: Uh, yeah!
E: (considering this concept) That does kind of make sense.
(Tim enters SL.)
T: Hey, Dave. Hey, Ed…(sees E’s pants down, looks away)…Whoa! What are you guys doing in here?
D: We were just peeing! But Ed thinks he has to pull his pants all the way down to do it.
T: Dude, all you have to do is whip it out and go! You don’t even need to pull your pants down!
D: Yeah, he didn’t even know about sticking it through the flap.
T: Is that what that thing is for? I just pull my waistband down and go over the top. But I still keep my pants up, Ed!
E: (pulling pants up) Hey, lay off, you guys! I didn’t know!
T: How could you not know? Did it never occur to you that you shouldn’t flash your ass at other people? It’s common sense!
E: Hey, you didn’t know about the flap thing either!
D: Hold on! Okay, before this gets any weirder: I do not care how you guys get your dicks out to piss, but I do get a little uncomfortable when someone’s ass is hanging out in my face. So, Ed, please rethink your peeing technique. Or just use a stall.
E: Okay. I’m sorry; I didn’t mean to bother anybody.
D: All right. Let’s just move on. (starts to leave)
E: Hey, Dave, don’t you need to wash your hands?
D: No, I didn’t pee on my hands.
E: You still need to wash them!
T: You don’t wash your hands when you piss? Disgusting! That’s even worse than Ed’s bare ass!
T: He doesn’t touch everything with his bare ass!
D: Fine, I’ll wash my hands! Let’s all have a big hand-washing party! And then we should walk out of here and never have this conversation again!
(E and D cross to CS and mime washing their hands in two imaginary sinks. T waits for them to leave, then looks around to make sure no one else is in the men’s room. He crosses UCS to imaginary urinals, unzips, and examines things carefully.)
T: So that’s how the flap works!
Copyright (C) 2012 by Eric Landuyt