Monday, March 5, 2012

Eli - Week 1

Here is a link to a Ten Minute Play called "The Last Duel of Purgatory Point, NM".

Can't wait to hear what you guys think. For sake of ease, let's put comments on this blog in the comments section. Thanks!


  1. Good work, Eli. Nice atmosphere. I like the banter between Wade and Oakes (the line about not having water when you need it was a nice touch of foreshadowing), but I think trimming a couple of lines would keep the pace up. For instance, Oates saying "You lose and I will take everything from you like you did to me" feels redundant because both he and Wade have already stated what was lost and the "if you win" line carries enough of an implication as to what will happen if Wade doesn't win. Similar thing goes for Wade's last couple lines about fire; maybe condense them a little. Other than that, I think everything works very well.

  2. I agree mostly with Eric L., namely that the interactions between Wade and Oakes and the atmosphere are the highlights. If anything, I'd say the play calls out for a bit more subtly; touches like naming the town "Purgatory" and the 'water' foreshadowing really stick out and seem almost lazy (though I'm not saying that at all) It's important for more depth in stories like this, where the motivations and archetypes have been explored many times before.

  3. Thanks guys. I really hadn't intended the water foreshadowing. That was mainly just drawing on all the characters experience from desert travel but I see how it is given the ending. While I agree the town name should change but I would not mind keeping the name as a personal nickname for the town for a character like Wade.

  4. I like the world you've created, but I think that some of the dialogue is a bit repetitive or unnecessary. For example, WADE
    Lucille! Please don’t make me repeat myself. A man like me is always on the move. From town to town. Don’t got time for kids like you. What came between us was fun but a one time offer. Nothin’ more. Got it?

    Its a bit on the nose and more telling than showing. I think you could rewrite it to show that Wade's character is that kind of person rather than have him telling Lucille all those things, and especially saying "Please don't make me repeat myself," and then he goes ahead and repeats himself.

  5. I also like the atmosphere. There's always something romantic about the old West. I feel for Lucille- we all know what pretty young women in towns like these do if they can't find a suitable husband. The stakes are high for her, before the main conflict even arises. But of course she plays it off gracefully. I also agree that Wade's comment there was very on the nose and it could be done without the expository commentary.

    I like the references to living in Purgatory or Hell, and indeed it would be good to just punctuate it maybe once and a half in the dialogue- maybe consider a different title? Because I hadn't read the title at first, and then, when I got to the end, I enjoyed seeing that Purgatory Point was the town's name. Maybe it could only be revealed at the end in a performance?

    You're going to have to have some good actors for brothers who fought against each other and are discussing something so deep as revenge for letting family members die! Whew.