Thursday, March 8, 2012



  1. I like what you're trying to do, but I feel this needs some streamlining. The parts about the imaginary friend and Ben's desire to play are good, and I think simplifying the language would help these moments resonate even more. Sometimes just cutting one or two words from a sentence can make it stronger.
    I like the "what if God finds YOU boring" part, but the Christmas anecdote doesn't seem to mesh with the rest of the scene and could probably be cut (or moved to a later scene in the play). The information about Shiva and Kali is necessary for exposition, but giving too much at once shifts the focus away from Ben and his feelings in that moment. I know the "wake-school-study" part is meant to emphasize the monotony of Ben's life growing up, but I think the repetition is actually a little overdone. You want to give people the idea of monotony without making the description itself monotonous. Again, sometimes a little trimming can go a long way.
    As for the title, I think a subtitle might help clarify the themes of the piece (I wasn't sure if Catamitus was a Greek/Roman name or some kind of medical condition). If "apocalypse" and "rape" seem too melodramatic, maybe find some other words that suggest similar feelings of annihilation and loss of innocence that those terms imply.
    I think the strength of this piece is the relatabilty of Ben's feelings. His sense of loss and disconnection from both the world and himself are palpable, and I do want to see where his journey leads. Just make sure to maintain the forward motion.

    1. Perhaps I should clarify the "wake-school-study" bit in the directions- it's meant to be a bit of a song with the alarm clock, hence the repetition. Works better when said aloud with the sound effect, I think. Maybe I should make the dialogue more like poetry. But the rest of your advice makes sense. Thanks for your feedback! :D

  2. I really liked the title... when I googled it to find out what it refers to. However, I can understand the producer's standpoint that it might not be enough to draw in an audience. The subtitle idea might work, such as "Catamitus, the AntiChrist."
    This does work as a compelling, engaging opening scene due to the apparent chaos with the sound effects and chorus (if that was the intent), but I'd also say that that would be the scene's problem as well. A buildup to this-starting softly and constantly building the pressure- would improve the pacing of the opening.
    Really interesting points brought up about boredom and kids' relationship with God... can't wait for the rest!