Good title. I'd keep it.What was good with the last one remains good here, with the flow and character development. However, the dialogue can be blunt at times. This works for Ben, who's narrating to us, but other characters such as Luke seem to only say something because the author wants to drive a point home in the quickest, most unnatural way possible (see the 'And I wanna be' speech Luke gives).
Haha that's actually one bit of dialogue I've heard in real life, as opposed to the clearly unnatural bits where I am condensing relationships down to seconds. But good to know, thank you; I'll edit. Anything else seem too blunt or expository? I need it to progress the story quickly- I thought I might get that.
(BEN: We both know it wouldn't turn out well. That's why I've declined so far.), (LUKE: I just think that I've already been where you are. You're so young and have so much of what I've done left to do. I'm moving on with my life.), & (BEN: If I were a drug addict, I wouldn't treat you like he's been treating Gaspar.) are the ones that jump out at me right away. I think I forgot to mention that this works really well for character introductions, but can be punched up for the 'real' conversations.
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Does this show up to everyone else too? D: I was only editing to make it a reply instead of a new comment and now I can't delete it!
I agree with Nick about the new title and the dialogue. Trying to cover so much story in so little time forces you to be very precise, but I do think you're doing pretty well and just need a little more streamlining. The interactions between Ben and Corie/Luke are strong because the dialogue sounds natural, so keeping their lines simple will make those scenes resonate even more.