Friday, March 23, 2012



  1. Very strong imagery in this part. I'm intrigued by what I imagine this will look like onstage. The only thing I didn't care for was the one line about trying to claw into the earth itself; it felt a little too melodramatic for that moment. Other than that, very good.

  2. On the subject of melodrama, like that line, you might want to cut out the repetition of 'whys' at the end. It's hard to imagine those lines spoken in any other way than over the top.
    Regardless, this is probably the most fascinating part of the play I've read so far, and I bet it'll be even cooler on stage! The entire Chorus as the minions of villain Choregus (awesome villain name, by the way) is both scary and revealing. This serves as a nice change of pace while still plausible in the story (assuming magic exists, but who am I to say?).

  3. Fair point about the earth line- I was actually wondering that myself. As for the whys- I must be a very melodramatic over the top person; I've done that a lot in private prayer. *o.o* I know I'm going to need a good actor for this role....