Friday, November 2, 2012

The Greatest Villains: Act I, Scenes 4 and 5

Scene IV

Full lights. The group (SOLOMON, JC, GOLIATH) walks through a desert full of billboard advertisements and gas stations in the background. SOLOMON looks famished as JC leads on with a staff.

SOLOMON: Can we please rest? I’m starving!

JC: But we only have three days left!

SOLOMON: We haven’t eaten in… in…

GOLIATH: We just ate ten minutes ago.

SOLOMON I know! (He collapses on the floor) Oh why did I ever leave my cozy throne? I demand we turn back now! I can’t take another step forward!

GOLIATH: Please don’t shout. We will depart if you so wish.

JC: Solomon, what about the gold?

SOLOMON: I really don’t care right now…

JC: Ya can’t say that ‘bout Goliath, right? Goliath, I think ya should help your friend.

GOLIATH picks SOLOMON up and puts him on his back

SOLOMON: Wait, what are you doing? Put me down! No king should be seen like this!

GOLIATH: …I haven’t exercised in a while.

JC: Solomon, there’s nothin’ ta worry about. God gave ya a friend ta help… from what I’ve seen, he never has an impossible situation. Always a way out. All ya need ta do is look around this beautiful land and observe.

He hits the ground with his staff to signal the start of “The Obvious Child,” by Paul Simon. Lights at green/blue. The group clears the stage for dancers to preform a dance until the song ends by 2:09. End scene.

Scene V

The dancers leave as the group takes center stage again. SOLOMON jumps down from GOLIATH’s back.

SOLOMON: Thank you. I needed that.

The group then turns to notice the border patrol booth on the middle of the stage enforced by two BORDER PATROLSMEN.

JC: Well, here we go! Ta Judah!

SOLOMON: Wait, we have to go there!? … I can’t do that.

GOLIATH: Why not?

SOLOMON: My country split in half a couple years ago. That’s the border patrol of the side that hates me.

GOLIATH: What did you do?

SOLOMON: I needed gold for my kingdom, so I raised taxes. They rebelled as a result, the ungrateful sheep.

JC: Hmmm… Say, Solomon, how well do ya know ya Bible history?


JC: So how did Jacob trick his father?

SOLOMON: He wore a goat’s skin to trick his blind father into thinking he was his brother.

JC: Yep! So here’s the plan…

JC takes them both offstage, whispering to them as they go. After they’re offstage for a while…

SOLOMON: (offstage) Jadau, if you survive this, I’ll kill you!

JC and GOLIATH go back onstage and walk up to the two BORDER PATROLSMEN. One of them takes a spear and holds it close to GOLIATH, who cowers before it.

BP1: Halt! What is your business in Judah?

JC: Don’t mind us, good sir. My dad and I are visitin’ some friends.

BP2: How do we know you’re not a spy for Solomon?

JC: We’re just harmless farmers. If not, why would we bring a goat along?

BP2: What goat?

JC: Oh, right. (Whistles towards backstage) C’ere, Goatee!

SOLOMON enters on all fours, dressed like a goat. He crawls over to the guards.

SOLOMON: Um, bah.

BP2: Curious… How do we know it’s not someone in disguise? Could be Solomon himself, that crafty…

BP1: Are you crazy? Solomon’s a king, and a proud one at that. There’s no way he would lower himself to crawling on all fours. (To the group) We’re sorry for your troubles. You can go.

JC: (walking past the booth) Thank you.

GOLIATH: (walking past the booth) Thank you.

SOLOMON: (crawling past the booth) Thank you.

SOLOMON and the BORDER PATROLSMEN freeze as SOLOMON realizes his mistake and the BPs eye the ‘goat.’

BP2: Hold the phone… did that goat just talk?


SOLOMON: (shaking his head) Bah! Bah! Bah!

BP2: (falling to her knees) Praised be the Lord! For He has worked one of His miracles on this goat!

JC: Yea, that’s nice. Now we really ought ta go…

BP1: Not so fast!

The group freezes in their fear.

BP1: Before you all leave, may we have a blessing? It could be from the hand of the father (points to GOLIATH), or the son (points to JC), or the holy goat (points to SOLOMON).

GOLIATH: Of course! Go for it, Goatee!

Both BORDER PATROLSMEN kneel down, bow their heads, and close their eyes. SOLOMON stands up and puts his hands on their head.

SOLOMON: (suddenly struck with an idea) Lord, bless these noble guards. Let them be inspired by each other’s creativity and humility. Most of all, let them realize that Solomon really isn’t that bad of a guy, and that they should let him pass if he transforms from a goat into a man.

SOLOMON takes off the goatskin. The BORDER PATROLSMEN stand up and open their eyes, completely shocked!

BP1: Blessed be the lord! You may go now, goat-man. Good luck on your travels.

The main group moves to the other side of the stage.

SOLOMON: Thank you. I guess it was worth the humiliation.

JC: Anytime, friend. Jus don’t be surprised if that lil’ episode ends up on YouTube.

SOLOMON: YouTube!? Why you…

SOLOMON chases JC offstage as JC laughs. GOLIATH runs, following them.

BP2: (after watching all this) Do you think that it was Solomon all along and that we were duped?

BP1: Isaac, what have I told you about thinking?

BP2 looks down, ashamed. Blackout. End Scene.

1 comment:

  1. This part is a bit too cliched and predictable, even if it's meant to be making fun of the cliches it portrays. As it is, I don't feel it adds much to the overall story.