Friday, November 9, 2012

Lovely Denial

I live in denial of the things I have done.
I shut off my brain
to keep myself sane.
I nearly went mad before I fell in love.
Now love is a distraction
that blunts my reaction
to everything I fear whether I should or not,
to the world I live in,
to my own mounting sins.
In the back of my mind, I know nothing has changed.
Despite all my plans,
real control is not in my hands.
In moments when my lover leaves me alone,
I look at what I’ve done
and what I have become,

and I see that I am no better than before.
In many ways worse;
I still feel I’m cursed.
The threat of judgment hanging over my head
scatters my thoughts
and ties my guts in knots.

So I let myself slip under my lover’s lips.
If I will be absolved,
it won’t be my call.
I'm not crazy about the title, so feel free to offer suggestions in that regard.
Copyright (C) 2012 by Eric Landuyt


  1. Great rhyme scheme. Rhythm would be better if you tightened up sentences like, "Now love is a distraction" and "real control is not in my hands."
    I think you start to repeat the same idea as the poem goes on: the idea that the narrator uses his love for another to cope with his anxiety. There are two paths you could take here. Either expand on what the narrator has done in greater, more specific detail, or cut everything but the first two stanzas. I'd personally go for the latter- there's nothing wrong with being short if there's nothing else to say. I hope you keep developing this.

  2. Oh, you meant the title! Yeah, I like it. I'd keep it.