The Greatest Villains: Act I, Scene 6

Scene VI

Softer mood lighting up. The group enters a crowded fancy restaurant, full of several rich customers (at least 20 people) and white tablecloths, with flowers and small china plates, filling the entire stage. Luigi Boccherini’s “Sting Quintet in E Major, Op. 11 No. 5” plays in the background. SOLOMON looks at the letter and then looks up.

SOLOMON: (pulling up a chair, exhausted) I hope she’s really busy for the next ten hours or so.

JC: There she is!

JC points at MARTHA, who has entered the stage with bags under her eyes and an unkempt hairstyle, though she still smiles when she can. Speedwalking over to a SNOB COUPLE, she grabs a pad of paper from her apron.

MARTHA: Hello there! Welcome to the Best Supper. My name is Martha, and I’ll be your waitress this evening. Can I get you anything to eat?

SNOB: Yes, please, we have been waiting forever. I’ll have a well-done steak with lobster tails as my side. Also, I’ll sample your oldest Eden Noir and Babylon Burgundy. As a dessert, I shall partake in your macaroni and cheese dish.

MARTHA: (after writing all of this down quickly) I’m sorry sir, but macaroni and cheese is not on our menu.

SNOB: I know.

MARTHA: Sigh… And for you, Madam?

SNOBETTE: Hmm… I think I’ll have the bacon cheeseburger, with no bread since I have an allergy. And I’m lactose intolerant. And I’m a vegetarian.

MARTHA: … you want a pickle?

SNOBETTE: Oh yes! That reminds me. I detest pickles. Don’t give me any.

MARTHA: Madam, this restaurant can’t afford substitution foods. So unless you would like an empty plate, I would suggest you pick something…

SNOBETTE: Oh, nonsense! Bacon cheeseburgers were delicious before that horrid doctor told me about my allergies, and I’m sure they’re just as delicious now. Surely I’m not doing anything illegal.

SNOB: (Holds up his empty glass) I’m waiting.

MARTHA: Oh right! I’m sorry. (She takes the glass to a pitcher of water on another table, refills it, and then gives it back to the SNOB) Anyways, you’re going to have to choose something else.

SNOBETTE: Oh, all right then. The pork sandwich.

The SNOB has drunk his glass of water during this time and now holds it up again, tapping it with his fork.

MARTHA: Oh all right. I do have other customers, just so you know.

She goes to the pitcher, refills it again, and then gives the glass to the SNOB.

MARTHA: So you expect a meat and bread sandwich without meat and bread.

SNOBETTE: If you had substitutions, this wouldn’t be a problem.

MARTHA: It’s not my job make you sick, no matter how good it tastes. We could give you a soup or salad…

SNOBETTE: Look, hon, don’t you understand your job?

The SNOB has finished his water and has begun tapping the glass with a fork again.

MARTHA: I do, actually. I really want to help you. I’m here to guide you to a nice evening, but not to perform miracles. You’re overpaid enough, go hire someone to do that for you.

The tapping becomes louder.

SNOBETTE: Why I never…

The tapping has become even louder and faster.

MARTHA: (violently snatching the glass from his hand) All right already! I’ll refill this stupid thing!

She goes over to the pitcher of water.

SNOB: Ignore her, my dear. Women like her can be irrational at random times.

MARTHA, hearing this, grabs the pitcher of water and chucks its contents at the SNOB and SNOBETTE, drenching their fancy clothes. Everyone else in the restaurant stops pantomime talking, gasps, and stares at MARTHA.

MARTHA: If you think that’s bad on clothes, just wait for the Eden Noir!

The other restaurant patrons, freaked out by this, leave their tables slowly and quietly. The SNOB and SNOBETTE lead the way, only they bicker and shout amongst themselves as they exit.

MARTHA: That’s right! Walk away then! Cry into your silk-sown teddy bears while your at it, why don’t you!

 JC and GOLIATH have been watching this transfixed the entire time.

GOLIATH: Whoa.

JC: We should be caref… oy!

He notices that SOLOMON has fallen fast asleep, and he pokes him with his elbow.

SOLOMON: Wha? Pass on the brownies…

JC: C’mon! (Grabs SOLOMON by the arm and drags him to center stage. GOLIATH follows him)

MARTHA looks at her surroundings, and then goes over to the edge of stage right.

MARTHA: (to offstage) Don’t play it again, Sam.

The music fades out. MARTHA begins focusing her rush of energy by cleaning up the tables, but eventually throws down a dish in frustration. Panting and furious at herself, she takes a moment to calm down slightly and then notices the trio.

MARTHA: Unless you have a better job for me, I’m not interested.

SOLOMON: I have something even greater just for you.

He hands her the letter. MARTHA takes a few seconds to read it.

MARTHA: Well, it’s better than talking to my boss about tonight’s little incident. There’s just one thing: since I’m done with here, I need some way to support my family. Will I be paid?

SOLOMON: I know I will be. I can make arrangements just for you, my flower.

MARTHA: You can cut the sweet talk, Solomon. I know what you’re like to women, and I do have pepper spray on me.

SOLOMON:  (in disbelief) You recognized me?

MARTHA: No, of course I don’t know who the leader of our country’s enemy is. But I really don’t care. (Begins walking out) So let’s hit it before Jesus shows up and starts rambling again.

JC: Hmm?

MARTHA: Don’t ask.

GOLIATH: (to SOLOMON, as MARTHA begins putting abandoned food in her apron pocket) What did happen?

SOLOMON: If I remember the tale correctly, she was preparing a meal for Jesus while her sister, Mary, sat and talked with their guest. When Martha yelled at her for doing nothing to help, Jesus said…

MARTHA: (interrupting, automatically) “Martha, Martha, you are worried and upset about many things, but few things are needed- or indeed only one. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her.” (Realizing that she spoke out loud looking at the others) I didn’t know I remembered so much. I thought I had forgotten what He even looked like. It’s been a long time. I’ve forgotten a lot of things since I went searching for the riddle’s answer, and I’ve lost a lot too…

Elton John’s “Don’t Let The Sun Go Down On Me,” begins playing. Spot on MARTHA.

MARTHA: I CAN’T LIGHT NO MORE OF YOUR DARKNESS.

         ALL MY PICTURES SEEM TO FADE TO BLACK AND WHITE.

         I’M GROWING TIRED, AND TIME STANDS STILL BEFORE ME…

         FROZEN HERE ON THE LADDER OF MY LIFE.

         TOO LATE TO SAVE MYSELF FROM FALLING…

         I TOOK A CHANCE AND CHANGED MY WAY OF LIFE.

         BUT YOU MISREAD MY MEANING WHEN I MET YOU,

         CLOSED THE DOOR, AND LEFT ME BLINDED BY THE LIGHT.

         DON’T LET THE SUN GO DOWN ON ME…

         ALTHOUGH I SEARCH MYSELF, THERE’S ALWAYS SOMEONE ELSE I SEE.

         I’D JUST ALLOW A FRAGMENT OF YOUR LIFE TO WANDER FREE,

         BUT LOSING EVERYTHING IS LIKE THE SUN GOING DOWN ON ME.

         I CAN’T FIND, OH, THE RIGHT ROMANTIC LINE

         BUT SEE ME ONCE AND SEE THE WAY I FEEL.

         DON’T DISCARD ME JUST BECAUSE YOU THINK I MEAN YOU HARM

         BUT THESE CUTS I HAVE, OH THEY NEED LOVE TO HELP THEM HEAL.

         DON’T LET THE SUN GO DOWN ON ME…

         ALTHOUGH I SEARCH MYSELF, THERE’S ALWAYS SOMEONE ELSE I SEE.

         I’D JUST ALLOW A FRAGMENT OF YOUR LIFE TO WANDER FREE,

         BUT LOSING EVERYTHING IS LIKE THE SUN GOING DOWN ON ME.

Have I fallen so far that I’m chosen as a villain? I’m low down, but I can’t be that far. I only meant well.

         DON’T LET THE SUN GO DOWN ON ME…

         ALTHOUGH I SEARCH MYSELF, THERE’S ALWAYS SOMEONE ELSE I SEE.

         I’D JUST ALLOW A FRAGMENT OF YOUR LIFE TO WANDER FREE,

         BUT LOSING EVERYTHING IS LIKE THE SUN GOING DOWN ON ME.

The song plays out, cut spot once music ends. MARTHA sits down, distraught over what’s happened to her life.

MARTHA: I can’t join you. I started out trying to figure how Jesus told me to change the world; I won’t let the devil choose me again. I feel as if God Himself gave me that quest, and I’ve failed Him… failed from the first meeting to this job.

SOLOMON: Martha, may I help?

MARTHA nods, SOLOMON sits besides her.

SOLOMON: Giving up your most valuable asset- time- is noble. From my understanding of the tale, Jesus merely said that the true goal- love of all neighbors- should always your purpose. You’ve been doing that. Doing a job you hated for your kids is great, as long as you still take time to love them.

MARTHA: So… I’ve been doing ok?

SOLOMON: I can’t say. Only you can.

MARTHA: … I don’t know yet.

SOLOMON: How about this: come with us and think it over. Your family will be paid for your troubles, regardless of what you choose. Maybe as your ‘reward,’ he can give you the answers you need.

MARTHA: That’s right! Oh thank you! (Regaining composure) Now let’s get going!

SOLOMON: Well, there’s really no rush…

Suddenly, the MANAGER of the restaurant arrives.

MANAGER: Closing time everybo… what the heck happened here!?

He looks at the destruction all over the place, and then sees the party.

SOLOMON: Last one out pays the check!

The party scrambles out as the MANAGER chases them, shouting as he goes. Lights fade out, end scene.