Friday, May 18, 2012


So I've got my crop of exams coming up, so next week might not have any poems or short stories.  Here are what my tired brain has come up with:

I've always been
An odd fish
Never part of
The crowd.
I never knew that
None of the crowd knew
Where to go.
The hesitant leader
Leading them all.
Maybe I'm a leader.
I wish.

Sometimes I feel I fit in
And I'm happy,
laughing and saying exactly
what I think.
Othertimes, I creep
and whisper
in the darkness.

I used to play piano because my mother told me so.  I was wasting money she said, I might as well make something out of it.  I stubbornly clunked the keys into an almost recognizable tune of nursery rhymes, still hating not being able to make beautiful music.  Over the years, I was still stubborn, but the beauty came in.  Now, I don't play as well as I'd like to, but the music, oh the music.  It makes me cry and finally I've done something.  Something right.

When I think of someone's name, I think of the first person I met who had that name, or the person with that name who has had the most impact on me.  I suppose it's this way for everyone.  Common names have to be erased to form new memories for this name, better ones or worse.  I'm glad not many people have my name.  I would like to make my own impression and not trod in someone else's, trying to make a difference.

I am the tempest.
The rain.
The thunder, lightning.
The backwards reflection.
The rush, the spray.
I am the soft breeze.
The caress, the sweet smell.
The blowing leaves,
Touchable laughter.
I am the war.
The peace, the silence.
The love, the hate, the hope.
I am the Goddess of Secrets.
I live in all and
All in me.

I want to fall one day.  To fall into my dreams sinking slowly in awe and wonder.  Or to fall in the air, gaily laughing and the wind pushes my hair upward in a halo, ethereal beauty.  Or to fall in your arms, smiling softly, closing my eyes.  Or to fall over laughing with my friends, each of us trying to outdo each other in volume.  Just to fall into something wonderful and happy.  To fall.

I see us biking on a tandem bike, you with your hair blowing, smiling at me, both of us laughing.  We're in Paris, the most romantic city in the world, and its almost night time.  The street lamps are on and we're biking down the pebbled and cobbled streets, the stars reflecting in our eyes, star crossed lovers.  We stop at the corner of the street out of breath, putting the bike away.  We walk hand in hand until we see it in all its glory.  And of course, we kiss.

I'm all opposites.  I don't know who I am anymore, none of me lives in harmony.  You took a layer out, and we all collapsed together in frustration and chaos.  Now, even back together again, there's something missing, something off.  My tune is out of tune, my music has been darkened and warped.  My books are being rewritten in blood ink and my heart?  My heart is empty.

A golden liar you are.
To touch me,
To freeze me.
To make me melt.
A mouse with the skin of wolf.
A snake one with a bird.
How that must weigh your feathers down,
Your hollow bones and chest.
How that must make you quake.
No matter what you do.
I am no apple
And you were no worm.
But you did.

In my mind, I see a leaping meadow nymph, her long black hair trailing down her back as she crosses a tricking brook, laughing.  She's willow and slender, beautiful in all she does.  Her hair does not go tucked away behind her ears, it floats free as a bird.  She disappears behind a tree to wherever she belongs because she doesn't here, in this ugly corrupted world.

If humans were birds
I would love to see
Which one of us could not fly
Due to the baggage clogging
Up our consciences
Our bones.
Which one of us
Can't reach?

Under the willows
A soft breeze blows it's way in
The dandelions.

I've had wall up all this time.
It used to be there to protect me
But it confused good and bad
and I've only hurt myself.
Now, I am taking the wall down.
One piece at a time.
Because if it falls all at once,
I'll still be stung.

There was a day when I saw what I wore.  I wore flying birds, but I did not wear the sky.  Or the trees.  Or the wind.  Or the beauty of it all.  Only the longing to join.


  1. There are so many evocative details and strong images here that it actually becomes a little overwhelming when taken as a whole. Maybe you could break this up into smaller pieces; just about every section would work perfectly as a stand-alone piece.

  2. These were fantastic. I would prefer them as stand-alone pieces too, but maybe combine some for interesting juxtapositions or irony.

  3. They're all supposed to be stand alone, I just write a lot.