The Greatest Villains: Act II, Scene 9

Act II

Scene IX

Curtain opens to dance number, full blue-and-red lights, and “Float On,” by Modest Mouse playing from 0:00, all still in a busy street in Judah. JUDAHITE 1 enters, goes to center, and is spotted.

JUDAHITE 1: I BACKED MY CAR INTO A COP CAR THE OTHER DAY…

         WELL HE JUST DROVE OFF, SOMETIMES LIFE’S OK.

         I RAN MY MOUTH OFF A BIT TOO MUCH, OH WHAT DID I SAY…

         WELL YOU JUST LAUGHED IT OFF, IT WAS ALL OK.

Cut spot. The PRODIGAL FATHER enters, showing a picture of one of the BDT members to various pedestrians.

PRODIGAL FATHER: Has anyone seen my son? Anyone? I’m really worried about him…

JUDAHITES 2 AND 3 enter, arrive center stage and are spotted.

JUDAHITE 2: AND WE’LL ALL FLOAT ON OK

         AND WE’LL ALL FLOAT ON OK

         AND WE’LL ALL FLOAT ON OK

         AND WE’LL ALL FLOAT ON ANY WAY

JUDAHITE 3: WELL, A FAKE JAMAICAN TOOK EVERY LAST DIME WITH THAT SCAM…

         IT WAS WORTH IT JUST TO LEARN FROM SLEIGHT-OF-HAND

         BAD NEWS COMES DON’T YOU WORRY EVEN WHEN IT LANDS,

         GOOD NEWS WILL WORK ITS WAY TO ALL THEM PLANS.

         WE BOTH GOT FIRED ON EXACTLY THE SAME DAY.

         WELL WE’LL FLOAT ON GOOD NEWS IS ON THE WAY.

Cut spot. JOSEPH is show begging in the street to the dancers.

JOSPEH: But you have to believe me! (Holds up multicolored cloth) This is all that’s left of the coat my brothers took from me! But that’s not important, you need to get me back home!

Spot on JUDAHITES 1, 2, AND 3

JUDAHITE 1: AND WE’LL ALL FLOAT ON OK…

JUDAHITE 2: AND WE’LL ALL FLOAT ON OK…

JUDAHITE 3: AND WE’LL ALL FLOAT ON OK…

JUDAHITE 1, 2, AND 3: AND WE’LL ALL FLOAT ON ALRIGHT

         ALREADY WE’LL ALL FLOAT ON

         NOW DON’T WORRY WE’LL ALL FLOAT ON

         ALRIGHT ALREADY WE’LL ALL FLOAT ON

         ALRIGHT DON’T WORRY WE’LL ALL FLOAT ON

Spot cut, dancers continue their dance. The people walking about Judea eventually slow down and face the audience to form a JUDAHITE CHORUS.

JUDAHITE CHORUS: ALL RIGHT ALREADY

JUDAHITE 3: AND WE’LL ALL FLOAT ON

JUDAHITE CHORUS: ALL RIGHT ALREADY

JUDAHITE 2: WE’LL ALL FLOAT ON

JUDAHITE CHORUS: ALL RIGHT

JUDAHITE 1: DON’T WORRY

JUDAHITES 1, 2, AND 3: EVEN IF THINGS END UP A BIT TOO HEAVY, WE’LL ALL FLOAT ON

JUDAHITE CHORUS: ALL RIGHT ALREADY

JUDAHITE 1: WE’LL ALL FLOAT ON

JUDAHITE CHORUS: ALL RIGHT ALREADY

JUDAHITE 3: WE’LL ALL FLOAT ON

JUDAHITE CHORUS: OK, DON’T WORRY

JUDAHITE 2: WE’LL ALL FLOAT ON EVEN IF THINGS GET HEAVY

JUDAHITE CHORUS: WE’LL ALL FLOAT ON

JUDAHITES 1, 2, AND 3: ALL RIGHT ALREADY WE’LL ALL FLOAT ON

         DON’T YOU WORRY WE’LL ALL FLOAT ON

         ALL FLOAT ON.

Music ends, dance ends. The dancers blend in with the chorus to create a mob of people doing their business in the city. The party (SOLOMON, JC, GOLIATH, MARTHA, and PILATE) walks onstage. JUDAHITE 4 walks up to SOLOMON as the group travels and shakes his hand.

JUDAHITE 4: I think you did the right thing. Thank you so much.

SOLOMON grumbles and walks past her. JUDAHITE 5 walks up to him and shakes SOLOMON’s hand.

JUDAHITE 5: My daughter wants me to say she’s real proud of you.

SOLOMON grumbles and walks past him.

PILATE: Wasn’t he supposed to be over this whole thing?

MARTHA: Trust me, this is an improvement.

SOLOMON: It was all a mistake! Peer pressure! After Friday, I’ll sort this all out!

They arrive center stage and sit down/ lie down to rest.

MARTHA: All right, you guys should rest. Goliath, how are we doing on food?

GOLIATH looks into the knapsack he carries, and then opens it up so MARTHA can see.

MARTHA: … that bad. Stay here; I’ll see what I can find downtown.

MARTHA exits the opposite way he came in.

PILATE: (still combing his hair) We’re not actually going to just sit around, right? What do you all want to do?

GOLIATH: You’re not in charge. Solomon is.

PILATE: Goliath, you can take some initiative, you know.

GOLIATH: I really don’t mind. This journey has been the most fun I’ve had without having to turn an army of mighty warriors into pudding. I’m still around, aren’t I?

JC: So tell us, Ponchi, why ya hangin’ out with us?

PILATE: More votes? I could use the gold Solomon promised me, and a few dirty deeds doesn’t seem like that much of a price. Besides, most elections show that more often than not, the richer candidate wins.

JC: Not always…

SOLOMON: But I dropped out. What would you need the money for now?

PILATE: The stats don’t say anything about how to use the gold. I just need to have it on me.

GOLIATH: I hope you don’t mind me saying this, but your logic is flawed. That’s a misplaced correlation.

PILATE: True… but eighty-eight percent of polled citizens think that that’s how it works. I’m just representing my common men.

GOLIATH: (holds back of head in pain) Not again…

SOLOMON: Darn it, Pilate, can’t you say anything other than a poll?

PILATE: I can’t help it. I’m just the perfect match for this country.

SOLOMON: That’s what bothers me! Stop doing that!

PILATE: No chance, Solomon. I’m ready to defend to the death any belief that isn’t my own.

SOLOMON: Sigh… do you even listen to half of the things coming out of your mouth?

MARTHA arrives back onstage, dazzled and worse for the wear.

MARTHA: He did it again!

JC: What?

GOLIATH: Who?

MARTHA: Goliath, you told me that the man who stole the map was dressed in all black, right?

GOLIATH: He was, I believe.

MARTHA: He took the money too!

EVERYONE ELSE IN THE PARTY: What!?

SOLOMON: But why pick on us? We’re not doing anything wrong, per say…

PILATE: Hang on… dressed in all black?

MARTHA: I got a glimpse right before he poked my eyes. I thought the pepper-spray got him, but it wasn’t enough.

PILATE: I think I know him. He belongs to a secret organization known as The Christians, a special task force used to hinder evildoers. Most people think it’s a myth, but I was contacted for a possible membership. My wife suggested I decline…

SOLOMON: Sure… as long as the polls agree, am I right?

PILATE: Actually, polls say most people deny its existence… that is why I never bring it up.

JC: Can ya show us in?

PILATE: I could do something even better.

Blackout, end scene.