Open to a small office setup (dim lights) as the MYSTERIOUS MAN talks with the HEAD HONCHO, who’s sitting at the desk.
HEAD HONCHO: Excellent job, Agent Twelve. Already, that blood money has been sent to our missionaries overseas.
MM: (in a gruff voice) And the king?
HEAD HONCHO: I don’t know? Should we bring him in? Do you expect him to talk?
MM: No, Mr. Job, I expect him to die.
HEAD HONCHO: That’s rather harsh, even for you J…
MM: Agent Twelve.
HEAD HONCHO: Agent Twelve, right. Guards!
CHRISTIANS 1 AND 2 enter.
HEAD HONCHO: Escort Agent Twelve to his next assignment. I’m going to stay here and try to decipher this map we acquired.
CHRISTIAN 1: Yes sir.
CHRISTIAN 2: Ya got it, boss.
HEAD HONCHO: (pulling out a cross necklace he was wearing) For Him.
MM, CHRISTIANS 1 AND 2: (imitating HEAD HONCHO with similar necklaces) For Him.
CHRISTIAN 1 escorts MM offstage, while CHRISTIAN 2 watches them, his back facing HEAD HONCHO. After a little bit of him studying the map, GOLIATH sneaks up behind him, holding the full knapsack above his head.
GOLIATH: If this helps, this wasn’t my idea.
HEAD HONCHO: What the…
GOLIATH knocks out the HEAD HONCHO with the knapsack. CHRISTIAN 2 responds, turning around and threatening GOLIATH with a slingshot. MARTHA and PILATE sneak up behind CHRISTIAN 2. PILATE taps CHRISTIAN 2 on the shoulder and waves hi. He does a politician’s handshake with her, which distracts her enough so that MARTHA can plant a pie in her face. With CHRISTIAN 2 falling over and rolling on the ground wrestling with the pie, PILATE beckons in SOLOMON and JC as MARTHA and GOLIATH drag the two bodies away. JC stands guard as SOLOMON begins searching the desk. He quickly finds the map and holds it up for the rest of the party to see.
SOLOMON and JC search the desk for anything useful as PILATE, GOLIATH, and MARTHA dodge and chase various other CHRISTIANS. Eventually, MM returns and joins the chase, clearly giving the CHRISTIANS the upper hand. MM and the CHRISTIANS (at least 15 of them) have everyone in the party surrounded at the end of the chase, in a circle, around the desk. MM steps into the circle.
GOLIATH: Request permission to smash their bones into pancakes, sire.
SOLOMON: Not now… we still have an ace.
MARTHA: Whatever it is, just show it already!
MM: Pilate, Goliath, and the former king himself.
SOLOMON: Current! I should still be king. Don’t believe anything I might have told you.
MM: You’re one of many surprises here. But your time has come. (Pulls out cross necklace) For Him.
ALL OTHER CHRISTIANS: (without moving) For Him.
PILATE: (as MM approaches and starts to circle around them) Now hold on just a minute… look at me. Do you really think you can arrest a public servant like me?
MM: Pontius Pilate. You condemned Jesus to die on a cross. You deserve no mercy. True Christians don’t care about big names.
SOLOMON: That’s an interesting accusation for you, ‘Agent Twelve.’ I know who you are. Take a step closer, and so will they.
MM: You bluff.
MM takes a step closer.
SOLOMON: (holding up classified documents he found) Or do I… Judas?
Everyone freezes. Slowly, MM takes his mask off, accepting the reality that MM is JUDAS, who’s bizarrely handsome.
JUDAS: … how did you know?
SOLOMON: Not from your face, apparently. Plastic surgery?
JUDAS: Several times.
MARTHA: (to SOLOMON) It can’t be… he’s dead. They told me he killed himself, ashamed that he betrayed Jesus to the authorities for thirty silver.
SOLOMON: Around the time of Jesus’s death, there’s a record here of a man, broke and near-suicidal, approaching a newborn organization, begging to find a way to erase what he had done since no drug could do it for him. The pieces put themselves together.
JUDAS: … it’s true. It’s all true. I thought I could escape the crime I committed. Martha should be right; I should have died on that night, the night I sold Him. He will hate me for defiling his name, and I know he’s watching. (To CHRISTIANS) I report that I am no longer fit for duty. (Takes off cross, throws it on the ground) For Him.
He begins to walk away, but is stopped by some CHRISTIANS.
JUDAS: You shouldn’t touch me.
CHRISTIAN 3: With all due respect, sir, we don’t care who you were before coming here.
CHRISTIAN 4: You’re done too much good for us to just stand away.
CHRISTIAN 5: You really want to throw away those good times? Remember Nineveh? Remember the inside job with the walls of Jericho?
JUDAS: Those were some of the best years of my life. But can anyone here look me in the eye and tell me they would willingly serve with such a traitor?
ALL OTHER CHRISTIANS stand at attention and look at JUDAS square in the eye.
ALL OTHER CHRISTIANS: For Him!
JUDAS: Then it is to be. (To the party) Standard procedure is to put you all in ‘the comfy chair,’ but I want to know who organized you and why your map has a pentagram drawn on the old junkyard.
GOLIATH: Oh, that is easy to explain. We are going to get together to be a strike team for the devil, and we were supposed to invite you. Here, read this letter.
GOLIATH gives JUDAS the letter and the map (taking both from SOLOMON’s hand). There’s a long, stunned silence on all parts.
MARTHA: What’s wrong with you!
GOLIATH: I don’t know! You said I should take initiative!
SOLOMON: But not now! Why can’t you take initiative after we tell you to take initiative?
PILATE: Finally, someone’s making sense around here!
GOLIATH: I am truly sorry! Please don’t hurt me!
SOLOMON: So much for the proud brute!
The party turns to face him. JUDAS holds up the letter in front of them, folds it twice, and then rips it up. Everyone in the party but JC panics.
MARTHA: What’s wrong with you!?
JUDAS: I won’t allow this deal with the devil to pass. You’re not leaving here until we decide how to finish off The Great Tempter.
SOLOMON: Wait… hold on a bit… thinking, thinking… got it! Judas, what do you want to do to this Tempter?
JUDAS: Destroy him for good.
SOLOMON: But you need to find him first, right? Come on, Judas, this is the perfect undercover mission. We go in, get the gold, and deliver him straight into your hands.
JUDAS: But you know I’ll betray you.
SOLOMON: He doesn’t. I just want his gold. And the chicks. The chicks would be nice too. You can do what you want with Satan.
JUDAS: I’d chance that. But I can’t let you take that evil money from that man.
SOLOMON: And the…
JUDAS: And the evil chicks, yes.
SOLOMON: Oh, but it’s a good thing I’ll be taking his gold! I already explained my brilliant reasoning to Mr. Jacob Caro…
JC: (leaning in to JUDAS) Jus’ go along with it. I’ll explain later.
SOLOMON: … and I won’t be doing any evil deeds for that creature.
JUDAS: … promise?
SOLOMON: (shaking hands with JUDAS, clearly crossing his fingers with his other hand behind him) I promise.
Blackout. End scene.