The Greatest Villains: Act I, Scene I and II

So begins my foray into a jukebox musical for an all-ages audience. Any feedback is appreciated.

Start Music: ‘Freewill,’ by Rush, 0:00

Lights up on Stage

The stage is set up as a rich palace. Two SOLOISTS enter, dancers begin as the music begins and dance until the end of the song. Spot on each soloist when they sing.

SOLOIST 1: THERE ARE THOSE WHO THINK THAT

         LIFE IS NOTHING LEFT TO CHANCE

         A HOST OF HOLY HORRORS

         TO DIRECT OUR AIMLESS DANCE

SOLOIST 2: A PLANET OF PLAYTHINGS,

         WE DANCE ON THE STRINGS

         OF POWERS WE CANNOT PERCEIVE.

         “THE STARS AREN’T ALIGNED,

         OR THE GODS ARE MALIGN,”-

         BLAME IS BETTER TO GIVE THAN RECEIVE.

CHORUS: YOU CAN CHOOSE A READY GUIDE

         IN SOME CELESTIAL VOICE.

         IF YOU CHOOSE NOT TO DECIDE

         YOU STILL HAVE MADE A CHOICE!

         YOU CAN CHOOSE FROM PHANTOM FEARS

         AND KINDNESS THAT CAN KILL.

         I WILL CHOOSE A PATH THAT’S CLEAR-

         I WILL CHOOSE FREE WILL.

SOLOMON enters in between the TWO SOLOISTS. His beard drips over the rich clothing covering his fat stomach. Spot on SOLOMAN.

SOLOMON: I am Solomon the Wise. During my reign as king, my policies divided the nation of Israel into Israel and Judah. Needless to say, my re-election campaign is not going well.

SOLOIST 2: THERE ARE THOSE WHO THINK THAT

         THEY WERE DEALT A LOSING HAND,

         THE CARDS WERE STACKED AGAINST THEM-

         THEY WERE BORN IN LOTUS LAND.

SOLOIST 1: ALL PREORDAINED-

         A PRISONER IN CHAINS-

         A VICTIM OF VENOMOUS FATE.

         KICKED IN THE FACE,

         YOU CAN’T PRAY FOR A PLACE

         IN HEAVEN’S UNEARTHLY ESTATE.

CHORUS: YOU CAN CHOOSE A READY GUIDE

         IN SOME CELESTIAL VOICE.

         IF YOU CHOOSE NOT TO DECIDE

         YOU STILL HAVE MADE A CHOICE!

         YOU CAN CHOOSE FROM PHANTOM FEARS

         AND KINDNESS THAT CAN KILL.

         I WILL CHOOSE A PATH THAT’S CLEAR-

         I WILL CHOOSE FREE WILL.

Music fades out for 10 seconds. During those ten seconds, all soloists, dancers, and chorus members leave. The only ones on stage after those 10 seconds are SOLOMON and some SERVANTS (who are tidying up and doing odd jobs). It is revealed that a JOURNALIST is interviewing SOLOMON. End scene.

Scene II

SOLOMON: To be honest, none of this is my fault. I’ve only done good for my people; I built temples and saved lives with my wisdom. You walked through Samaria to get here… see how many times you see my name! I took a few luxuries, but I need to make a living too.

JOURNALIST: I see… Just one last question: Any comment on the worsening situation in Judah?

SOLOMON: If they wanted to get away from me so badly, then why should I help? A free sample of the Wisdom of Solomon, with no extra charge.

JOURNALIST: Interesting… well, thank you for your time, Your Majesty. This interview should appear in the next Exposition Weekly.

SOLOMON: Not a problem.

As the JOURNALIST leaves, JC enters. JC walks past servants with confidence and wears thick gloves.

JC: A pleasure ta meets ya, sir! Name’s Caro, Jadau Caro.

SOLOMON: How did you get in here?

JC: Walkin’! I’ve come ta deliver a letta. This is tha residence of Solomon tha Wise, right?

SOLOMON: Correct…

JC: (holding a red letter in front of him) Well, here ya are!

SOLOMON takes the letter and eyes it carefully.

SOLOMON: … there has been a mistake.

JC: Nope! Says ‘Solomon’ right on tha middle. ‘Course, can be hard to tell since ya don’t have a last name, but…

SOLOMON: According to the return address, this letter is from the devil.

JC leans over to look at the envelope.

JC: Huh… so it is!

SOLOMON: Grundy!

A SERVANT approaches.

SOLOMON: Grundy, the devil has begun to make trouble again. We will need divine help. Prepare offerings to The One True God, Yahweh.

SERVANT: Yes sire. Shall I also prepare offerings for The One True God Vishnu, The One True God Buddha, The One True God Zeus, The One True God Odin, The One True God Flying Spaghetti Monster, and The One True God Tom Cruise?

SOLOMON: Of course!

SERVANT: Very good sire.

SERVANT exits.

SOLOMON: (to JC) Are you still here?

JC: Yep! …Are ya gonna open that?

SOLOMON: Yes, but not with you here.

JC: I’m supposed ta watch. Was told ta do so.

SOLOMON: By the devil?

JC: I guess so. Go on then!

SOLOMON opens the letter carefully and reads from it.

SOLOMON: (reading off of the letter) To my dearest friends… bad tidings to you all! I hope everything has been going well, oh wait, it hasn’t. The forces of God have kicked you in the face and have made your lives miserable. I’d hate to say it, but I told you so. After some thinking, I realized that talents like yours shouldn’t go to waste. Together, we can create a force that will undo all that God has worked on. You will be rewarded for your services to me. Meet me in front of the old junkyard, under the pentagram, in person, at midnight on Friday. My servant Jadau Caro will guide you. Forever your master, The Devil.

JC: Well, there ya have it.

SOLOMON: So you work for the devil.

JC: Yep!

SOLOMON: So you’re evil.

JC: Of course not! What’s wrong with ya?

SOLOMON: But you work for the devil.

JC: … well, when ya put it like that…

SOLOMON: There’s been some mistake. I’ve never wronged anybody, and I’m a hero in these lands.

JC: That’s why ya gotta read on.

SOLOMON: (reading off of the letter) P.S.: This part of the letter is for Solomon only, so everyone else back off! Solo, my man, there’s no denying the evils you committed as king. There was nothing you could do about it anyways. You might as well join with people like yourself and stop wallowing in rotting glory. Enclosed is a list of old ‘friends’ of mine, attached to the map. For your cunning and your leadership, I’ve chosen you to champion this quest. Show this letter to those on the list, with the help of Jadau Caro.

(Giving the letter back to JC) I cannot accept this! I am not a bad person!

JC: (reading off of the letter) As a reward for ya services, there will be gold.

SOLOMON: Gold!

JC: (reading off of the letter) Yes, gold. Also, chicks.

SOLOMON: Gold! Gold and Women! Well, I can certainly use more of those. How am I to help others if I don’t help my self first! (To the SERVANTS) I’ll be gone for a week! Take care of this place, and give my regards to all my wives! (To JC) Come, Jacob, let us ride off!

SOLOMON begins to leave.

JC: You’re still not a bad guy?

SOLOMON: Of course not! Now hurry up so I can get my gold from the devil! (Exits)

JC: (to audience) I get that a lot. (Exits)

End Scene, Lights down.