Neurotic
What if I’m making her squeam in her chair?
What if my arm’s hurting her poor shoulder?
What if she minds those red shirts that I wear?
What if it leaves… the smile I left on her?
What if she does not adore my parents?
What if my parents just don’t adore her?
What if I made my thoughts too apparent?
What if she finds the poems I wrote for her?
What if she’s lying for fear of feelings?
What if she’s doing this all out of spite?
What if they’re always cold and begrudging?
What if I’ve done no wrong, but she’s still right?
What if they find out I’m making this list…
What if I’m thinking too much about this? Lost
standing
shielded dark rain
searching for friends
Am I retarded?
after all
nobody seems to do these things but me and i’m still standing in cold
M.O.A.
I awoke from dreaming my ex’s non-existent baby was aborted. First instinct was to go for my phone’s mind-blinding light, but today I’ll try awake. An hour later, I collect enough desperation to move hollow muscles out of the bunk and navigate to my lazy hard chair. I feel the needles on the floor that bar entrance to any friend I’d ever consider letting in. My roommate either doesn’t care or notice them, or is as stupid as I am.
On a failed to-do list is to take medicine, call back psychiatrist, do extended chemistry, save world. But I’m too something to do anything. I’ll dive into hard, cold circuses and continue to forget something I’ve already succeeded in forgetting. I’m my own man now, free from fantasies of social justice and goals. I turn to the laptop and sleep the rest of the day.
I like the mix of humor and pathos in the first poem; the reader can relate to the narrator's fears, be amused by his neuroses, or both.
ReplyDeleteThe second poem evokes strong feelings with simple, evocative words. Using a word like "standing" or "searching" is clear enough to explain a basic action but suggestive enough that the reader can bring all the emotional connotations he or she connects with that word. The only part I wondered about was "shielded dark rain"; was there supposed to be a "from" in there to show the narrator is shielding himself from the rain, or is the rain itself somehow being shielded?
The third piece is also strong in its simplicity. I like the theme of technology keeping us "asleep" (unaware of the outside world and immersed in a different state of consciousness) when we are physically awake, and the idea that we can choose to either wake up to the world or abandon reality in favor of a waking dream state is thought-provoking.
Good work.
Yeah, I think we've all been in that neurotic place. So we relate to it even while we judge the behavior of being neurotic.
ReplyDeleteAnd who hasn't had "save the world" on their to do list!? Damn, if I wouldn't procrastinate all the time....